So since I am a guru which most of the times refers to fashion I have a small fashion blog for you tonight. If you guys are ever looking for some amazing fashion gurus on youtube to watch and get tips from my two favorites for years now have been: arose186and meghanrosette. They are both amazing and I never get bored watching them. Go watch them NOW!!!!!
So I just finished watching “This Means War” it was a really good movie in my opinion. But it brought me to tears and it probably wouldn’t have if I had watched it yesterday. In the movie FDR and Tuck are best friends, they do everything together. Without spoiling you any one out there, Tuck and FDR get in a big fight and it ruins there friendship. When I heard FDR tell Tuck that he already asked Collins (their boss) for a transfer. I couldn’t hold back the tears, they just poured out like a waterfall from my eyes. I saw how one stupid thing ended a friendship and I was able to look into my friendship that just ended earlier this morning and see what happened from a different point of view. This Means War was a tear jerker and an inspirational movie for me because in the end Tuck and FDR realized they were stupid to let go of their friendship because of one stupid fight.
I know I should be glad Ashley is out of my life but right now after just having her gone for 7 hours I am DEVASTATED. I hope it gets easier to forget her and all the things she did to me and I know it is a good thing she is gone but I will never be able to fill or replace the section of my heart that is occupied by someone who was so close to me for so long.
So I need to vent and this is going to be extreme venting. So my so called best friend forever, Ashley, that I was going on and on about. Well one of my followers was right she is not the “best friend” for me more like a BEST FRIEND FOR NEVER! Are you confused cause I totally am? So I started off this morning but texting her saying that I could take her driving on the drivers course cause she is supposed to get her license tomorrow and that I would pick her up at 6:40 for band practice. That is were is all went down hill. She hasn’t been talking to me lately for who knows what reason her stupid face had but I didn’t want a bitch and not take her to band practice so I texted her mom and simply told her to tell Ashley that we had band practice tonight and I would pick her up at 6:40. Apparently that was strike one in Ashley’s mind. When Ashley finally texted me back she said she was too busy to go driving and she was going to dinner at 5 so she didn’t need a ride to practice but would need a ride home. So I was like okay whatever see you later tonight. And she got mad at me for it. She was like you can’t drive my car anyways and I can’t practice in your and my parents have it. She just started going off about it and I was like whatever I will see you to night. And she was like UM OKAY. So she was mad at me AGAIN. All I did was…. truthfully I don’t even now what i did this time. So then a fight broke out and I don’t want to give you guys any details but things where said. I said some things I shouldn’t have and so did she. After hours of back and forth stabs in the back we ended it by her saying she was done with this unhealthy friendship and done with me. I know this might be for the better but I am crushed. She was my best friend (in my mind at least) for 5 years and know she was just going to throw it all away. To make matters worse she texted kendra her BEST FRIEND FOR 12 YEARS the ONE message in which I called her a bitch. I then got a three page long message from kendra saying that in friendships you figure things out not call each other bitches. SERIOUSLY! I have now two people hating on me and one doesn’t even now the whole story she just got the one message were I sounded like a brat. She doesn’t know that hurtful things were said to me! I don’t even know what to say. I just lost my best friend and now I am being stabbed at by two people. I said things that were wrong but i apologized cause I felt bad. Did i get one back no instead I am sitting here crying and venting my feelings to a computer with the hope that someone might read this.
I love how people say that our generation is surrounded and engulfed by technology yet I spend two minutes and can get frustrated. The reason I used wordpress to start my blog was because of a “work” thing. I am a dancer and I also work there since I am close with the owner and director. Anyways I run the desk and the website and our dance studio website is based off of word press. So I became really good at figuring everything out on word press and making our website look amazing (not trying to sound cocky.) So when I started this blog I figured word press was the easiest to go through, and I love my blog and I find it so easy to do everything on. EASIER than the dance studio website which is weird to me but whatever. So to get back to my frustration of the night the owner texts me and says the slideshow on the main page has gone down so I log into the website and look to see what might have happened (this happened last year.) I update everything since it hasn’t been done in a while and come to find out the slideshow plugin we were using has basically vanished and can’t be used anymore so I download NextGen Gallery and get completely frustrated and have no clue to what I am doing. I am a very inpatient person and I hate learning new things on my own. I like to be taught. So i got totally worn out from trying to figure out this stupid gallery and gave up. So before I log off I went to the website just to check it out and the ENTIRE homepage is blank. TOTALLY BLANK. Know I didn’t mention this but I didn’t CREATE this website I just took it on years into the process and I have not a clue how to fix anything because it is such a different and difficult template to work with. I got completely burnt out and clicked out of that website so fast. Now the only problem is tomorrow or whenever I get the nerve to try and go back on there again I have to figure out how to fix everything. I am totally tempted to just create a new website where I know how to do everything and don’t have to learn how to fix some one else’s site.
Know a days as I walked through the school hallways my ears are filled with laughter, cussing, and stereotyping. This new found obsession has taken over high schools. We are told to try and break out of our circle of friends and see where else we can find friends in our different interests, but in 2012 I wouldn’t dare even trying that because I have been stereotyped as a Band Geek and Nerd. If you aren’t known as the “populars” you better enjoy your friends because you don’t have much of a choice. If you are lucky enough to have been stereotyped as a popular you are the ones we all praise, but why? Why is it that we all look up to these people? What do they have that our friends don’t? The answer to that is what…clothes, money, cockiness? Why is that they are seen at the top of the pyramid and chess geeks are at the bottom? I have always wanted to know how do you get stereotyped? Am I the only one that wishes we could all live in peace? Okay, I know I just totally Gandhi-ed up the web but seriously why is it that the populars can walk through the halls and crowds separate to let them through? In my high school, my friends and I sit on the floor and watch all the kids walk by and even if we were freshmen on the first day of school, we could tell which “group” was which. I hate that and wish it didn’t exist. I don’t want my kids to be in the band geeks group or the jocks or the barbies. I don’t want them to be seen as something from the outside and no the inside. Even with that I don’t want them to be stereotyped by the outside or in! I know I am 16 and can’t do anything but why is that the case? Shouldn’t I or any nerd be able to walk up Miranda or Sara (the popular girls) and talk to them without being dissed and shunned? I think what is hardest for me to comprehend is that I was a popular and know I’m not. (Not trying to toot my own horn or get sympathy just prove a point.) I was friends with all those girls in middle school and one bratty girl sent me and my lunch bag away from my friends and dissed me to the corner. I hope one day stereotypes and stereotypers won’t be around but sadly I don’t see that ever happening because the problem is only getting worse and I personally blame it on media. If you watch and chick flick about high school there is always a scene zooming in on each group. I hate stereotypes and wish I wasn’t categorized in one!
I feel like I need to explain my whole life story but that won’t be happening any time soon unless I plan to dedicate every waking moment of my life to my blog so I am going to try and fill you in the best I can. I guess a good place to start would be my friendships. I have had many let me just stat by saying. I am not that girl who has had a best friend since Kindergarden like some people and trust me I wish I did. I can honestly say I don’t know if I have ever had a “best friend.” Trust me though I wish I did. Doesn’t every girl. My tightest friendship has been with Ashley Mae. We have been friends for 5 years now and it has been the hardest 5 years of my life. We get in fights all the time and my mind just tells me that it is because we aren’t best friends but sisters. I have yet to truly believe that. I feel like most of the time we are more frenemies than anything. I am amazed that I have stuck with her for this long but I can’t imagine life without her. She has been there through most of it all but we fight all the time and it is hard… to say the least. I could go through and tell you all that has gone wrong with our friendship and then tell you what has gone right but I don’t know where to start on either end. Our most recent debocule seems like the only place to start right know since that is the only thing on my mind. Like I said early I haven’t had a best friend since Kindergarden but Ashley has and obviously it isn’t me! She has and still to this day has been best friends with one girl for 11 years now. And I am fine with that except she is a girl who believes that you can on have one best friends and the rest are just bystanders. And that is something that is very hard for me to comprehend. I don’t want her to stop being friends with Kendra (the best friend) but I want her to be best friends with me and I don’t know if we are or ever will be. No matter how long I am friends with her Kendra will always have a good 6 years on me that I will never be able to gain. I am a very jealous person and that sucks I try to hold it back but it is my personality it just comes out and I hate that I am not her 1st favorite, especially considering I don’t have anyone else that I would consider my best friend or any where close to that. I would say from my personal stand point that I am not an easy person to be friends with. And that comes from the fact that I only have 1 good friend and I can’t seem to keep friends. I am a bitch in most peoples mind but that is just because I like to be the leader and I am very head strong. But that is the reason that I believe I don’t have friends and that is why I am so jealous of Ashley and Kendra’s friendship. I am one of those girls who thinks about the future. And what I have come to realize is that Ashley and Kendra will walk graduation together and since I don’t have any other friends that are close to me I will walk with some werido and look like a fool. So I have come to realize that I need to find a BFF in my junior year or I will be the freak with no friends. Ashley and Kendra are so close that it sucks to be around them together. They have BFF hand shakes, (which I know is a weird thing to want as a 16 year old but I want that) and finish each others sentences. I want what they have and I don’t think I will ever get it in my high school years. Kendra will go to Ashley’s wedding and vice versa but will Ashley come to mine?? How about the fact that Ashley invited me to Vegas for her brothers 21st birthday with her whole family 2 months before the occasion and Kendra went?? Do I sound like a brat because I am like this?? Ashley is in band with me that is the one special time I get with her when Kendra is around to ruin it. I felt like such a bad person when Ashley informed me that Kendra might be joining band our junior year. Luckily that didn’t happen but is awful that I am glad it didn’t?? I don’t know what to do sometimes. For Ashley’s birthday Kendra spent the night at her house… i wish that had been me. I wanted to be there for her on her special sweet 16 but she didn’t want me there she wanted her best friend of 11 years. I did hang out with her on her special day but with her huge family, Kendra and another friend. Ashley sat at the head of the table Kendra on her left, then Alexa (another friend), then me. And to her right she put her presents and then her dad, her mom and a whole line of family. The restaurant set up three tables all lined up together and I felt like I was stuck at the parents table. I couldn’t hear a thing Ashley said and I sucked it up cause I didn’t want to be a downer on her special day. I was going to sit next to her but as I pulled the seat out to sit down Kendra sat in it. The rest of the night just got worse and worse Kendra was rude to me the whole night and Ashley just laughed along with her. When Alexa had to leave Ashley and Kendra…. and I walked her out to her car and said goodbye and watched her as she drove off. When I left I didn’t even get walked to the door. Nor did anyone say goodbye to me. I felt more appreciated by the fact that when I left her mom said goodbye, from the couch in the living room than by someone who was supposed to be my best friend. I feel awful that I am so jealous of Kendra and Ashley’s friendship. Of course they have a stronger friendship but I wish mine and Ashley’s just somewhat compared. And to end this post well I was in a bad mood that night when I got home and posted on facebook “I have had better days” Ashley commented on it why?? I didn’t reply cause I didn’t feel I needed to over a facebook status. If she cared she would have texted me. The next day she finally texted me a good 12 hours later and asked what happened. I was still hurt from the night before so I just said it doesn’t matter I don’t want to talk about it and now Ashley isn’t talking to me at all.
Blogging is something new for me a way to vent and let everything go. So teenguru is that even a good title for a blog. I don’t know to tell you the truth I haven’t ever really read and followed a blog or blogger. I like the title I think. teen or me being a teen and the reader understanding that I am a teen and will vent and talk about teen problems and guru for well i dont really know what guru stands for. I am a guru for fashion and dance and life so i just chose guru cause i really like the word guru and think it tells a story all in itself.
Where do I begin. I guess I should start with why I am here and what my purpose is, that sounds like a good place to start. I am a 16 year old girl who needed somewhere to vent. That might sound awful but I just needed some where to write down my thoughts and let people read about how I am feeling and what is on my mind without dealing with real people in my everyday life. I wanted to start a blog after watching Awkward an MTV show. I love the show oddly enough and was inspired to write a blog like Jenna. She seemed to really get a lot off her mind through her blog. Now if you are thinking why the heck don’t you write in a journal well this is my journal just a public one so I can feel like I am letting everything go. Will I tell my friends about this… heck no I need somewhere that I can speak and be heard and not judge by my wonderful high school life. I plan to write about fashion and life the only two things that really matter to me. I don’t really know what I am doing so this could be one of the worst designed blogs you read but I don’t care I just need somewhere to write down what is in my mind! I will get better and I plan to write whenever I need too. So I am not making a commitment and saying I will write everyday but I will write when I need to write and if my world spins around as much as it did last year once a day wont be enough for some of my crazy head spinning days. Is this making an since to my hopeful readers out there or am I just blabbering on about nothing??